Thoughts About Stuff

Thoughts About Going Green

Mon, 31 Oct 2011 15:45:22 -0400

A lot of people talk big game when it comes to cutting down on vehicular carbon emissions, but you know all that’s going out the window when flying cars become commercially available. Most of those same people would cut down a redwood tree if it meant they could own a flying car powered by the finest gasoline.

So before you start going off on “global warming” or what have you, ask yourself, “Would I rather fly in my own flying car or complain about something not as awesome as flying my own flying car.”

Thoughts About October

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 16:08:00 -0400

It’s October which means a lot of people will take advantage of the 31 days they have to come up with as many names for their festivals and specials going on this month. So let’s just get it out of the way so you won’t be surprised when someone invites you to Croc-toberfest (a Louisianian celebration of wearing Croc shoes).

Bock-tober: Celebration of beer
Bach-tober: Celebration of composer Johann Sebastian Bach
Cock-tober: Celebration of roosters and whatnots
Dock-tober: Celebration of docks, piers and boats
Fuck-tober: Kind of a stretch with the word play, but it’s a month-long orgy
Glock-tober: Second Amendment Awareness Month
Jock-tober: Homecoming week when jocks all around campus are reminded that they’re better than everyone else
Knockknock-tober: Shitty joke month
Lock-tober: Celebration of keys if you’re a locksmith, hair if you’re a serial killer
Mock-tober: Celebration of intelligent people mocking October and the wordplay that stems from the month (excluding this one)
Mach-tober: Celebration of really fast jets
Octobeard: Celebration of facial hair where men don’t shave for the month of October
Rock-tober: Celebration of rock music, also probably a geologist Facebook event somewhere
Sock-tober: Socks!
Smock-tober: Smocks!
Tik-Tok-Tober: Month of self-reflection on why we allowed Kesha to get to where she is with such a shitty song
Wok-tober: Month where Asians use woks to cook like every other month in the year

Is it out of our system, now? Can we move past word plays on the month of October?

Let’s be more creative with the way we name our festivals so it’s not so dependent on months of the year. After all, when humans colonize Mars, they probably won’t have a month called October, which means we’ll have to think of something more clever than Clocktoberfest when we want to celebrate our clocks.

Thoughts About Monopoly

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 11:04:07 -0500

According to Wikipedia, the purpose of the board game Monopoly was

to teach people how monopolies end up bankrupting the many and giving extraordinary wealth to one or few individuals.

It’s really weird how this thought never crossed my mind when I was a kid. The only thought I had was to beat everybody mercilessly by any means necessary. Which usually meant hiding money under the board to gain sympathy and then to turn it all around and make surprise hotel purchases on the Light Blues.

Also, everyone knows that anyone who owned the four Railroads owned the city.

If this game was meant to teach children about the destructive nature of a monopoly, the reward for losing shouldn’t have been freedom from a six-hour board game.

Thoughts About Archeologists

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 21:59:43 -0500

I’m really concerned that after our society dies off, future archeologists and anthropologists will find Hollywood Boulevard and assume that the people who left their hand and footprints in the sidewalk were important to our society.

Thoughts About Santa Claus

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 16:59:07 -0500

Santa Claus: The patron saint of Coca-Cola.

I think the point of Santa Claus is that once you grew up and realized that he wasn’t real, you would begin to slowly realize how awesome your parents really were.

They didn’t take the credit for you getting a hamster, it was deferred to this imaginary man. But your parents didn’t care, they just wanted to see you happy.

Sidenote: One time, my cousin was telling me how she got gift baskets from the Easter Bunny. I never got anything from the Easter Bunny in my life and I thought I was doing something wrong. If this had happened today, I probably would’ve Googled it and been sorely disappointed on many levels.

Also: Every time the Tooth Fairy came at night, the next morning, my mom would yell at me for having a messy room.

Thoughts About Those Bracelets People Wear to Support Something

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 18:11:58 -0500

This isn’t about people wearing the Livestrong bracelets because they support their hipness more than they support testicular cancer research.

This is about a bracelet I saw made with the same material that said, “I support recycling” or something stupid like that.

Apparently, whoever buys this bracelet supports recycling but does not care much about reducing. The material to make this bracelet could’ve been used for something else more meaningful.

There’s more to the Three Rs than just recycling.

Special Thanks

Mon, 22 Nov 2010 16:41:35 -0500

2009, 2007, odd-numbered years, Ocho & Malcolm (I miss you, dogs!), Moleskin knockoffs, grape-flavored picadilly, watching streams of sports games on the internet till they take it down, Lone Star bottle caps, my new roulette system, losing roulette earlier than expected which resulted in me finishing that boring book about P.T. Barnum ahead of schedule, keeping a bottle opener in the car that came in handy when the handle broke, that ridiculous mustache contest that lasted from January till mid-March, that other Mustache thing that was just for fun because we were going to go eat that huge 5-patty, 10-slices of cheese, 1-pound of lettuce, etc., cheeseburger, the pregame October mustache, this November’s Movember mustache, quitting Facebook sort of, Mike Rowe, road trippin’ to Miami and staying in that weird apartment, free cardboard, spending time with the cousins, telling people I did the Warrior Dash on crutches, bobbleheads, New York City some of the time, whiiiite peeeeeople, Pencil Girl, Coogs’ House, four weddings and zero funerals, art projects that go unnoticed, Cash Cab, free surgery!, taking out that middle piece in Giant Jenga, the hoodlums who decided to pass up my car this time around and not throw a rock through the window, the junior drum set I got and the guy thought I was getting it for my son and I awkwardly said, “No…it’s for me,” all my real life homeboys and virtual homies and most of all, the readers who go, “tee elle semicolon dee are.”

Thoughts About Voting

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 00:53:21 -0400

I hate discussing politics because it’s like discussing zombie survival. There’s no possible way you’re ever going to get all the bullet points of any issue or politician and it comes down to whoever sounds more persuasive, not whoever is more qualified.

So yes, it is important to vote, but if your basing your vote off of what celebrities are endorsing or what pamphlets are on your door knob, it’s better if you stay home and text in your vote for that guy who’s competing in whatever idiotic reality contest show is hot right now.

I drove down the highway and saw billboards that said “Vote So-and-So” with a picture of the guy’s face. I’m not sure what his qualifications are except that he has a face. I came home and I saw a door hanger that said, “Vote [Political Party],” and not much else.

This is what we’ve become. We don’t give a shit about anything, we just want people to go into the booth and punch that straight ticket button, walk out and get that sticker so you can show your buddies you voted. And if you do that, you are voting irresponsibly.

If I’ve convinced you to not only vote but to vote smart but you’re not sure who to vote for yet, you can do your research here: http://www.votesmart.org/voteeasy/.

Polls close at 7 pm.

Sidenote: I saw a billboard that only said, “Judge So-and-So,” and the person’s face. I initally read “judge” as a verb instead of a noun.

After some thought, I think that was the intention of the billboard maker, because there was no other info, so I guess they just wanted commuters to judge this guy (who may or may not have been a judge) based on his looks.

Thoughts About Zombies part 2

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 11:52:00 -0400

I guess the the thing that bothers me about zombie movies is that nobody ever seems to know what a zombie is when the zombocalypse descends, yet in the real world, everyone in this country knows what a zombie is and how to survive it.

So just once, I’d like to see a movie where a zombie apocalypse goes down and a guy goes, “Everybody back up. I got this…I have this Zombie Survival Guide that was written at a time before zombies were a serious issue.”

(Part One)

Thoughts About Zombies

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 14:32:13 -0400

I like zombie movies. I’m not preparing for a zombiepocalypse, but I do know that you have to shoot their head off, etc.

However, zombies are not real and my knowledge of knowing to sever their head is meaningless. That’s why The Zombie Survival Guide is still on a Barnes and Noble bookshelf and not on mine. Because zombies are not real.

Preparing for such a zombiepocalypse is like preparing for a unicorn ranch. How do you know what a unicorn likes? What kind of authority does Lisa Frank have over the unicornverse? For all I know, unicorns might fart out fire and burn the barn to the ground. That definitely wasn’t covered in the Lisa Frank handbook because they’ve never encountered one before. Because they’re not real.

So if zombies did rise from the earth to wreak havoc and you shot them through their brains, they’re going to grow another head right away and kill you. They might grow two heads to replace the one you just took out. Who’s to argue? I doubt your survival guide covered that part.

No one knows what’ll happen because they’re not real. So everyone, please relax. I’m all for zombie fun and zombie hahas, but this is getting out of hand.

Thoughts About People Standing in the Street

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 12:38:43 -0400

This is at an intersection not far from my neighborhood.

Here’s what’s going on in the picture:

A pan handler stands at the red dot, holding a sign asking for a little help.

Hispanic laborers sit at the blue dot waiting for someone to come in a truck to ask them to do some labor.

And at the green dot, a sign spinner holds a sign for gold in exchange for cash.

At this one corner, we have three different kinds of people: someone no longer looking for a job, a group of people looking for a job and guy who has a job.

Does the sign spinner hate that he has to spin signs and would rather get money directly by holding another cardboard sign instead?

Do the Hispanic day laborers envy the sign spinner for having a steady job?

I’m not sure who the homeless guy is jealous of, but I’m sure he’s jealous of one of the other two, at least.

This is like a game of employment Rock Paper Scissors.

Thoughts About Love

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 15:47:00 -0400

Hey, you know what I’m tired of? Love.

Not out-in-the-street love but in-entertainment love. Do relationships really have to be the main conflict in the story? In The Office, it was all about Jim and Pam. Then the writers figured that they couldn’t drag it out for 6 seasons like How I Met Your Mother. So when Jim and Pam finally got together, it moved to Michael Scott’s quest for love. Then it was Andy and Erin. And when they finally went on a date, the writers, I guess, found out that there were no other love lines to pursue so they pressed CTRL+Z on the whole thing and started over for this season and his re-quest to get Erin back.

Are there no more original ideas left? Or are we just thirsting to see people find true love?

And how many songs are there on the radio that deal with having a crush on a person, or being with a person or no longer being with a person? Is all of this really necessary?

No. None of this is necessary.

I just re-read what I wrote and I sound bitter. But I’m not. I wonder if the other countries’ The Office all deal with romantic tension as the main story line, too. I hope so. Because if there’s one idea that we need to get across to the world, it’s that office romance makes for good TV. That and shows based on Twitter accounts.

Thoughts About Breast Cancer Awareness

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 13:25:15 -0400

Around October, a lot of pink things start to pop up and you’d see it everywhere — in stores, on TV, on the street. And then maybe you’d wonder, what’s going on? What’s with all the pink during fall? And then you’d read somewhere that the pink is to raise awareness for breast cancer, whether it be getting an exam or supporting the research.

Once you’ve figured out what the pink meant, you would finally be in the loop. If you felt strongly about the cause, you, yourself, would start to sport pink things to raise awareness and if someone asked you, “Hey, what’s with the pink jump suit?” You would proudly say, “Oh this old thing? I’m just raising awareness about breast cancer.”

This was several years ago. Now, I’m pretty sure everyone in America is aware of the issue. Instead of asking, “Why are there pink things everywhere?” everyone just says, “Oh, it must be October already.”

Even the NFL is getting in on this. Their shoes, gloves, hats are all pink. The ball even has a ribbon on it. I think it’s time for Breast Cancer Awareness month to take a break.

Did you know October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month? How could you? Breast Cancer has a monopoly on the month of October. If there’s any issue that sports needs to bring awareness to, it’s domestic violence. Jason Kidd knows what I’m talking about.

Thoughts About Disney

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 19:25:00 -0400

I had no idea that Disney liked to have their characters transform into different things so much.

I mean, Pinocchio turned from a toy, to a boy/toy, to a donkey/boy/toy to a real boy. Wart from The Sword in the Stone is three different animals in his lessons. And Kuzco of Emperor’s New Groove; he was a one-man zoo.

What’s the deal, Disney? It’s apparent they like their characters changing, but why did Aladdin get to turn into a prince by the genie, but Mulan only get a dragon companion? She wanted to be a man, not a woman dressed as a man with a dragon buddy.

Thoughts About The Princess and the Frog

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 18:55:16 -0400

The only African queen Disney ever had for a while was Nala from The Lion King. Then they came out with The Princess and The Frog with a girl from New Orleans who’d be their first black princess.

It took them a while to finally replace an animal as their unofficial African princess spokesperson with an official human one, but better late than never.

So how does the movie add up for girls who look forward to see their first black princess?

Tiana is black: +1
But…so is the villain: -1
But her snobby, spoiled friend is white: +1
But her rich white father is the king: -1
The prince is sort of black, I’m not sure. He’s from a land called Maldonia, which is made up so who knows: +0?
For a majority of the movie, she is a frog. Not an African-American frog, just a frog: -1

So the overall racial score for this movie is in the negatives. Watch with racist caution.

Also, I’m not serious about my analysis of this movie being racist but Rachel Mercer’s viewpoints of the movie and its message to women is dead on. Please give it a read.

Thought About Outliers

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 18:22:02 -0400

I finally got around to finishing Outliers. I started explaining it to a friend of mine, and we got into a discussion about how the word “outlier” is pronounced.

He pronounced it as out-liar. I said out-lee-er. I still have no idea how to pronounce it so I just avoid the topic of reading.

Thoughts About Elliptical

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 17:06:42 -0400

Have you ever run on a treadmill facing a window and asked yourself, “Why am I not doing this in real life? Why am I choosing to stay indoors and run in place when I can be running outdoors and see what’s around the neighborhood?”

Is it because you live in the flattest city where there are no hills and your machine’s incline level goes to 10, which you’ll probably never get to? Or are you afraid of the street bandits/thunderstorm?

Doesn’t matter, I won’t judge you. As long as you’re exercising, it doesn’t matter if you’re doing outdoors or in a gym. In fact, in a gym, you have access to things you might not have at home. You can get on the exercise bike if you don’t have a bicycle. Or the rower if you don’t have a kayak. Or the stepper for stairs. Or the treadmill for concrete or legs or something.

All of those things can be done either with or without the machine. But what is the elliptical? What do you do on the elliptical that you also do in real life? Jump from cloud to cloud?

I’ve been watching people’s movements on the elliptical trying to see what real-life actions it mimics. But it’s neither running nor walking. It’s some kind of ridiculous slow-motion skipping that makes you look ridiculous if you take away the machine, and it makes me look like a creep for trying to understand what exactly it is you’re doing by staring from across the gym.

Thoughts About TV Sitcoms

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 14:07:54 -0400

The Office, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Community, Outsourced. America has spoken. Your workplace sucks compared to the scripted television workplace and you wish you were working at Dunder Mifflin instead. They’re so funny!

And even though these shows have the characters who are apathetic, overly ambitious, charming, really cute, slightly stupider than average and crazy, just like your office has those same characters, it’s just not as funny.

Because you’re real life. And real life is a shitcom.

Thoughts About American Eagle

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 15:25:00 -0400

Anybody who’s heard of American Apparel has an opinion of them. Their t-shirts are plain, they have risqué advertising and hipsters seem to like it a lot.

You might have an opinion on the clothing store, American Eagle, too. They have graphic shirts, a lot of eagle imagery and their advertising’s aimed to college kids.

The big difference, however, is that with a name like American Eagle, and using the eagle and everything, you’d think they’d take a little more pride and make their shirts in the US. They don’t. They have them made elsewhere.

Whether they’re made in a sweatshop somewhere in Macau or in a not-sweatshop in Macau, I don’t know. I don’t do my research. But if you’re going to call yourself American Eagle, have some pride.

I’d rather deal with a bunch of hipsters at American Apparel, since their clothes are made in LA, sweatshop free, than deal with a bunch of bros at American Eagle.

So American Eagle, I am now going to start calling you Macau Eagle.

Thoughts About Netflix

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 20:54:42 -0400

I like books. I don’t think I’m the sort of snob that goes the book was better, but in the case of Harry Potter, The Count of Monte Cristo or even Garfield, I think the book was certainly better.

So after pondering Netflix’s business model, I was thinking how can I do the same thing but with books? Because books are good and netflix is profitable.

And then I remembered the library.