A lot of people talk big game when it comes to cutting down on vehicular carbon emissions, but you know all that’s going out the window when flying cars become commercially available. Most of those same people would cut down a redwood tree if it meant they could own a flying car powered by the finest gasoline.
So before you start going off on “global warming” or what have you, ask yourself, “Would I rather fly in my own flying car or complain about something not as awesome as flying my own flying car.”
Monday, October 31st 2011 3:45pm
It’s October which means a lot of people will take advantage of the 31 days they have to come up with as many names for their festivals and specials going on this month. So let’s just get it out of the way so you won’t be surprised when someone invites you to Croc-toberfest (a Louisianian celebration of wearing Croc shoes).
- Bock-tober: Celebration of beer
- Bach-tober: Celebration of composer Johann Sebastian Bach
- Cock-tober: Celebration of roosters and whatnots
- Dock-tober: Celebration of docks, piers and boats
- Fuck-tober: Kind of a stretch with the word play, but it’s a month-long orgy
- Glock-tober: Second Amendment Awareness Month
- Jock-tober: Homecoming week when jocks all around campus are reminded that they’re better than everyone else
- Knockknock-tober: Shitty joke month
- Lock-tober: Celebration of keys if you’re a locksmith, hair if you’re a serial killer
- Mock-tober: Celebration of intelligent people mocking October and the wordplay that stems from the month (excluding this one)
- Mach-tober: Celebration of really fast jets
- Octobeard: Celebration of facial hair where men don’t shave for the month of October
- Rock-tober: Celebration of rock music, also probably a geologist Facebook event somewhere
- Sock-tober: Socks!
- Smock-tober: Smocks!
- Tik-Tok-Tober: Month of self-reflection on why we allowed Kesha to get to where she is with such a shitty song
- Wok-tober: Month where Asians use woks to cook like every other month in the year
Is it out of our system, now? Can we move past word plays on the month of October?
Let’s be more creative with the way we name our festivals so it’s not so dependent on months of the year. After all, when humans colonize Mars, they probably won’t have a month called October, which means we’ll have to think of something more clever than Clocktoberfest when we want to celebrate our clocks.
Monday, October 3rd 2011 4:08pm
According to Wikipedia, the purpose of the board game Monopoly was
to teach people how monopolies end up bankrupting the many and giving extraordinary wealth to one or few individuals.
It’s really weird how this thought never crossed my mind when I was a kid. The only thought I had was to beat everybody mercilessly by any means necessary. Which usually meant hiding money under the board to gain sympathy and then to turn it all around and make surprise hotel purchases on the Light Blues.
Also, everyone knows that anyone who owned the four Railroads owned the city.
If this game was meant to teach children about the destructive nature of a monopoly, the reward for losing shouldn’t have been freedom from a six-hour board game.
Monopoly is a bored game
Unless you're winning
Monday, March 7th 2011 11:04am
I’m really concerned that after our society dies off, future archeologists and anthropologists will find Hollywood Boulevard and assume that the people who left their hand and footprints in the sidewalk were important to our society.
Where's the science and engineering walk of fame at?
Monday, January 31st 2011 9:59pm
Santa Claus: The patron saint of Coca-Cola.
I think the point of Santa Claus is that once you grew up and realized that he wasn’t real, you would begin to slowly realize how awesome your parents really were.
They didn’t take the credit for you getting a hamster, it was deferred to this imaginary man. But your parents didn’t care, they just wanted to see you happy.
Sidenote: One time, my cousin was telling me how she got gift baskets from the Easter Bunny. I never got anything from the Easter Bunny in my life and I thought I was doing something wrong. If this had happened today, I probably would’ve Googled it and been sorely disappointed on many levels.
Also: Every time the Tooth Fairy came at night, the next morning, my mom would yell at me for having a messy room.
Monday, January 3rd 2011 4:59pm
This isn’t about people wearing the Livestrong bracelets because they support their hipness more than they support testicular cancer research.
This is about a bracelet I saw made with the same material that said, “I support recycling” or something stupid like that.
Apparently, whoever buys this bracelet supports recycling but does not care much about reducing. The material to make this bracelet could’ve been used for something else more meaningful.
There’s more to the Three Rs than just recycling.
Monday, December 13th 2010 6:11pm
2009, 2007, odd-numbered years, Ocho & Malcolm (I miss you, dogs!), Moleskin knockoffs, grape-flavored picadilly, watching streams of sports games on the internet till they take it down, Lone Star bottle caps, my new roulette system, losing roulette earlier than expected which resulted in me finishing that boring book about P.T. Barnum ahead of schedule, keeping a bottle opener in the car that came in handy when the handle broke, that ridiculous mustache contest that lasted from January till mid-March, that other Mustache thing that was just for fun because we were going to go eat that huge 5-patty, 10-slices of cheese, 1-pound of lettuce, etc., cheeseburger, the pregame October mustache, this November’s Movember mustache, quitting Facebook sort of, Mike Rowe, road trippin’ to Miami and staying in that weird apartment, free cardboard, spending time with the cousins, telling people I did the Warrior Dash on crutches, bobbleheads, New York City some of the time, whiiiite peeeeeople, Pencil Girl, Coogs’ House, four weddings and zero funerals, art projects that go unnoticed, Cash Cab, free surgery!, taking out that middle piece in Giant Jenga, the hoodlums who decided to pass up my car this time around and not throw a rock through the window, the junior drum set I got and the guy thought I was getting it for my son and I awkwardly said, “No…it’s for me,” all my real life homeboys and virtual homies and most of all, the readers who go, “tee elle semicolon dee are.”
Monday, November 22nd 2010 4:41pm
I hate discussing politics because it’s like discussing zombie survival. There’s no possible way you’re ever going to get all the bullet points of any issue or politician and it comes down to whoever sounds more persuasive, not whoever is more qualified.
So yes, it is important to vote, but if your basing your vote off of what celebrities are endorsing or what pamphlets are on your door knob, it’s better if you stay home and text in your vote for that guy who’s competing in whatever idiotic reality contest show is hot right now.
I drove down the highway and saw billboards that said “Vote So-and-So” with a picture of the guy’s face. I’m not sure what his qualifications are except that he has a face. I came home and I saw a door hanger that said, “Vote [Political Party],” and not much else.
This is what we’ve become. We don’t give a shit about anything, we just want people to go into the booth and punch that straight ticket button, walk out and get that sticker so you can show your buddies you voted. And if you do that, you are voting irresponsibly.
If I’ve convinced you to not only vote but to vote smart but you’re not sure who to vote for yet, you can do your research here: http://www.votesmart.org/voteeasy/.
Polls close at 7 pm.
Sidenote: I saw a billboard that only said, “Judge So-and-So,” and the person’s face. I initally read “judge” as a verb instead of a noun.
After some thought, I think that was the intention of the billboard maker, because there was no other info, so I guess they just wanted commuters to judge this guy (who may or may not have been a judge) based on his looks.
Tuesday, November 2nd 2010 12:53am
I guess the the thing that bothers me about zombie movies is that nobody ever seems to know what a zombie is when the zombocalypse descends, yet in the real world, everyone in this country knows what a zombie is and how to survive it.
So just once, I’d like to see a movie where a zombie apocalypse goes down and a guy goes, “Everybody back up. I got this…I have this Zombie Survival Guide that was written at a time before zombies were a serious issue.”
can we stop it with the zombies
Monday, November 1st 2010 11:52am
I like zombie movies. I’m not preparing for a zombiepocalypse, but I do know that you have to shoot their head off, etc.
However, zombies are not real and my knowledge of knowing to sever their head is meaningless. That’s why The Zombie Survival Guide is still on a Barnes and Noble bookshelf and not on mine. Because zombies are not real.
Preparing for such a zombiepocalypse is like preparing for a unicorn ranch. How do you know what a unicorn likes? What kind of authority does Lisa Frank have over the unicornverse? For all I know, unicorns might fart out fire and burn the barn to the ground. That definitely wasn’t covered in the Lisa Frank handbook because they’ve never encountered one before. Because they’re not real.
So if zombies did rise from the earth to wreak havoc and you shot them through their brains, they’re going to grow another head right away and kill you. They might grow two heads to replace the one you just took out. Who’s to argue? I doubt your survival guide covered that part.
No one knows what’ll happen because they’re not real. So everyone, please relax. I’m all for zombie fun and zombie hahas, but this is getting out of hand.
can we stop it with the zombies
Monday, October 25th 2010 2:32pm